


Marry Me

by Whisperingly (Glammons)



Series: After Universe [4]
Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Cute, Dysfunctional Family, Dysfunctional Relationships, F/F, F/M, Families of Choice, Family Feels, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Marriage Proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-25 21:39:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18171767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glammons/pseuds/Whisperingly
Summary: Sara wants Peebee to marry her, but things don't go to plan. This forces her to deal with some things she'd rather avoid.





	Marry Me

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This has been done for about 5 months but I haven't wanted to post it. I feel that it exposes a lot of myself, and that's something that I don't like to do in writing. But I see a lot of myself in Sara - which is why I don't like to focus on her in my works. But here we are. This ties into my story 'Five Reasons' but they can be read in any order. As always sorry for any typos. Let me know if anyone wants to beta for me. Lol. I need it.

It had been five years. That was what Sara was thinking on one of the rare mornings that she had woken up before Peebee had. She knew that wasn’t very much time in the scheme of things - especially for an asari. But in human terms it was a long time. Peebee had even said this was the longest relationship she’d ever been in, besides they’d always had a tendency to move fast. 

She was laying on her side, watching as Peebee breathed in and out. Deep full breaths. It was rare that she slept like this - completely at peace, arms under head. Sprawled out over the bed. Sara smiled at the sight, the utter tranquillity. 

Sara rolled over, grabbing her omnitool off the nightstand. Her mother hadn’t left her much - her mother still hadn’t been cured and woken up - but what she had Sara had taken with her. The letters were important to her mother, ones she had written to each of her children when it was apparent she was dying. Each was filled with sappy hopes, things that Sara knew Ellen Ryder would have never said in life. They were the dreams of a dying women. In the grand scheme her memories of her mother would always be more important than the words in that letter. 

But one line had always stuck with Sara:  _ I hope one day you will love someone completely and that they’ll love you the same. _ She reread that line now, tracing the cursive with her finger - while the probable love of her life slept next to her. Ellen Ryder hadn’t been a very good parent in a lot of ways, but that single line - that hope. That had made her keep trying even when it seemed Peebee would never want a serious relationship. It was why she had turned down an escape pod fling. It was why she had made it crystal clear what she wanted, from the start - the kind of love her mother wanted her to have. 

She sighed flicking the omnitool off. She glanced over, this time to see Peebee’s vibrant brown-green eyes staring back at her. The asari raised her eyebrows.

“You okay?” Peebee asked lazily reaching out her arms to wrap around Sara. The human sighed again snuggling into her girlfriend's chest. She wasn’t sure what the asari had seen - but she wasn’t sure if she cared. Peebee knew about the letter, not the contents per say but she knew Sara had it.

“I’m fine. Thinking about my Mom.” Sara said quietly, keeping her head on Peebee chest. It was kinda a role reversal. Usually Peebee’s head was snuggled on Sara’s chest - but they were well in tune with what the other needed, most of the time. Especially on days like today, when they had nowhere to be. Just drifting through space, heading towards a new destination. 

“Do you think she’d like me?” Peebee asked, freezing around Sara, as if the idea of Ellen Ryder not liking her had just occurred to her. Sara snorted, and Peebee pulled away to see Sara’s face.

“My mother would  _ adore  _ you, will adore you.” Sara said with a grin, flicking Peebee’s nose with her finger, causing a smile on the asari’s face, where previously there was a frown.

“Well...that’s something to look forward too.” Peebee  said, seeming unwilling to poke deeper. This time Sara wrapped her arms around Peebee, sighing again. She wondered - not for the first time this morning when her mother would really wake up. 

“It is.” Sara said, quietly. Peebee didn’t respond. Sara wondered what her mother would find when she woke up, a daughter and son. A husband dead. A new galaxy. 

 

****************************************************

“Scott!” Sara exclaimed engulfing her brother in a tight hug. He laughed pulling back, and grinning down at her. 

“Sara! Where’s your girlfriend?” Scott asked peering over Sara’s head as if Peebee would suddenly matalize behind her. Scott was at a small apartment on the Nexus - he had been here for several weeks dealing with all the political stuff that Sara herself didn’t like to deal with. For reasons she couldn’t understand Scott loved politics of the Nexus - something about wanting to  _ win _ . 

“She’s off doing something or another - besides I wanted to talk to you.” Sara said shortly, redirecting the conversation to the real reason they had stopped at the Nexus a week ahead of schedule.

“Let me guess, you’re tired of exploring the galaxy and want me to take over - I get it I’m happy-” Scott started to say, over his shoulder as he stepped deeper into the apartment already. Sara followed, quickly shutting the door behind her.

“I want to ask Peebee to marry me.” Sara said, cutting him off. He was joking - and she wasn’t in the mood for jokes. This had been on her mind for months. Long enough that she had a small ring in a small pocket in the inside of her jacket. She wasn’t going to be one of those tropes where Peebee discovered the ring in her sock drawer or something. Even if that would be a ridiculous place to hide it because Peebee was always ‘borrowing’ her socks. 

“What?” Scott said, freezing against the countertop. “Are you sure she’d even go for that?” He asked cautiously turning around, leaning his back against the counter.

“I mean, I guess...maybe I should talk to her about it.” Sara said nervously leaning against the fridge.

“Sara - you know her better than anyone. I just - it’s Peebee.” Scott said slowly, arms crossed over his chest. Sara knew he was right. It was Peebee. Peebee who lived in an escape pod when they first started dating, Peebee who left her messages in robots, but it was Peebee - who she loved. Peebee had changed a lot. They talked after arguments, Peebee told her when it was too much and she wanted to run, and more importantly she knew Peebee loved her. This ultimate act of commitment, was she wrong for wanting it?

“How did you know Cora was ready to marry you?” Sara asked still leaning against the fridge. Scott didn’t say anything for a few seconds, still looking down at the counter. 

“With Cora, it was, it was just,  _ complicated _ .” Scott said after a very long pause. Sara’s eyebrows crinkled together, and this time she walked around the edge of the counter so that she could see Scott. 

“Complicated?” She asked, and he looked up sheepishly to meet her eyes. Her eyebrows went up, and she understood before he even had a chance to speak. “ _ You _ were the problem?” She asked, but it was more of a statement. 

“You know things like that scare me. Commitment scares me, and I love her so much. I just, I wasn’t -” He said struggling to find the words, he put his hands up in the air. A ‘what was I to do?’ gesture.

“I just, I never imagined  _ Cora  _ having to ask you.” Sara said, spluttering for a minute, as her thoughts turned to her cool-headed second in command. Always focused, always moving forward, very little emotions that she showed to the world. 

“Cora isn’t the person she pretends to be, she’s...she’s very different when it’s just me. It’s why I love her. I’m assuming Peebee loves you more then she appears to?” Scott asked, this time leaning back against the fridge - staring Sara down.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sara asked, staring at Scott with wide eyes. 

“You hardly touch each other, no hands, no sneaky kisses, no  _ anything _ . She’s always running off to do something else, and is always telling you not to bother her. Most of your relationship is just you watching her do things.” Scott said, listing out reasons on his fingers, all the while as Sara stared at him opened mouthed. “You have never been like that with any of other your other girlfriends. You can see why it confuses me.”

“Peebee hates PDA. Hates it. It make her feel like she belongs to someone in a trophy kind of way. That’s why we never touch when other people can see us. She’s...very complicated. And damaged. She had to work _really_ hard to get to the place that she’s at.” Sara said slowly, seemingly unwilling to share the information that she was sharing. “Don’t tell Cora. Peebee would hate that I was telling anyone. But I do know she loves me. She shows me in other ways.”  
“I’m not going to pretend I understand, but I do see that you’re happy. I didn’t expect to wake-up five years ago to find you happy.” Scott said, a wry smile curving his face.

“I’ve always considered myself a generally happy person.” Sara said, a slightly offended look appearing on her face. “Why were you surprised?”

“Generally happy and actually happy are two very different things Sara.” Scott said, that same wry smile still curving the edge of his lips. “You… have always been very good at pretending that you’re happy.”

Sara didn’t say anything for a few seconds, staring down at the ground this time. She thought about his words briefly, even as some part of her recognized that they were right. Peebee made her  _ happy _ , not just content. Made her smile so hard her cheeks hurt every time she saw her. And that scared the ever-living  _ shit _ out of her. 

“Do you think me asking her marry me will scare her off?” Sara asked after a few minutes of silence. 

“Like I said before, you know her better than anyone else ever will.” Scott said quickly, shooting the response back across the kitchen. “I’m going to tell you something.”

“What?” Sara asked, deciding to pocket his earlier statement as something to reflect on later. 

“Cora’s pregnant,” Scott said quickly. “She wanted to tell you herself, but I can’t wait.” At this Scott began to wring his hands together, looking at the ground. 

“That’s fantastic!” Sara said, a huge smile spreading across her face. “ _ Fantastic _ !” She said again, and at this Scott looked up with a small smile. Nothing but the nerves of a first-time father.

“Think they’ll have some asari cousins to grow up with?” Scott asked cheekily raising an eyebrow. Sara smirked wrinkling up her nose. 

“You know children aren’t really my thing, not in the way where you birth them and then raise them.” Sara said, shaking her head with a laugh. “Besides can you imagine? Me? A mother, or a father? No thanks.” 

************************************************************************************************

Sara went back to the Tempest a few hours later, and found Peebee curled up on their bed scrolling through her omnitool. The asari didn’t look up when Sara walked in, still engrossed in whatever she was reading Sara lightly touched the ring through her jacket, before carefully taking the jacket off and hanging it up in the closet.

She walked over to the bed, sprawling out beside Peebee’s curled up form. She tossed an arm over the asari and Peebee sighed snuggling into Sara’s chest.

“How’s your brother?” She asked, still scrolling down the omnitool. 

“He’s fine.” Sara said, her thoughts still wrapped up in her conversation with him. Part of them thinking about that little ring, the other thinking of the real life actual baby growing inside of Cora. “Cora’s pregn- shit, wait.” Sara started to say before remembering it was a secret. Peebee wasn’t deaf.

“With a baby?” The asari said loudly, flipping around so that she was facing Sara.

“Yes, but don’t tell anyone else or tell her I told you, I’m not even supposed to know yet.” Sara said quietly, tightening her arms around Peebee. The asari didn’t say anything for a few minutes.

“Scott. Married with children. That’s….” Peebee trailed off and didn’t say anything.

      “I know. Insane...I can’t even imagine.” Sara said still looking up at the ceiling. Just thinking about how much their lives were going to change. 

       “We have that. We have what they have.” Peebee said her arms snaking around Sara. “We don’t have the rings or the baby but we have that love. And that’s the first step.” 

        Sara was slightly surprised at the outburst, but most of her mind focused on that ‘first step’ part. Did that mean Peebee wanted the other step? The rings, the marriage, til death so we part? She didn’t say anything. Keeping her arms around the Asari, but the wheels of her mind churning.

 

************

         “I’m going to do it.” Sara said a couple of days later leaning against the bench in Cora’s little plant room on the ship. The blonde still hadn’t said anything about her pregnancy, but Sara was still keeping her promise. Complete secrecy. 

           “What is it exactly?” Cora said her focus still on a box of plants. She muttered something about humidity under her breathe as Sara stared at her back in shock. 

          “Scott must really think it’s a bad idea if he didn’t even tell you……” Sara said trailing off. At this Cora turned about actual confusion on her face this time. “I’m going to ask Peebee to marry me.”

“That’s…” Cora’s eyebrows shot up, a small smirk curving her face.

“You think it’s a bad idea too!” Sara accused, standing up, forehead scrunching up. 

“Ehh. Not really my place.” Cora said after a long pause. “Nope. Staying well away from that topic.” Her second in command sighed, shaking her head. And then she walked out. 

 

***************

Sara considered asking some other members of the crew for advice or their opinions, but eventually decided against it. Scott had said no one knew Peebee as well as she did, and she knew that for all Peebee’s claims about making this team her family it wasn’t entirely comfortable for her. She wasn’t the same person she had been five years ago, but that didn’t mean things had drastically shifted. She was more open sure, less jumpy sure, but less scared? Sara wasn’t sure. 

Which was why Sara decided to finally ask her. At some point during the past five years she had become less afraid of losing the asari she loved, more convinced that no matter what happened she would still have Peebee. She wanted the wedding. She wanted the big white dresses, she wanted the til’ death do we part. She wanted Peebee to know that she was never going to quit on them. And asking her to marry her seemed the appropriate way to convey that. Even if it never worked out that way.

     She walked over to her closet digging around in her jacket until she found the little black box. It was a silver band inlaid with purple gems. Nothing that stuck out. Something sweet yet still meaningful. “Sara?” She heard suddenly, and she froze. 

     Peebee was standing a few feet away from her a pile of remnant stuff in her hands. Her eyes were flipping between the box and Sara’s face. The  _ Sara _ was what got her. Peebee almost never called her that, it was almost always Ryder unless Scott was around or if they were in bed. That small word, and that asari sounded so shocked.

She would have never had it out. She would have never wanted Peebee to see it in this way. “Peebee.” She said slowly still holding the box open in her hands.

“What is that?” Peebee asked, her voice quiet and calm, eyes now stuck to the little box.

“It’s….I...I didn't want to ask you this way. I wanted it to be different. But I mean...I can’t lie. It’s a ring. I wanted...would you marry me?” Sara sadi stammering the words all coming out in short spurts. Peebee’s eyes went wide, and she dropped the stuff she was holding. It clattered to the ground, but neither of them reacted to the noise.

“Sara...I…” She started closing her eyes. “I...I came to ask you if we could go to Eos. Just for a few days. There was something I needed.” She said this slowly, eyes still closed, face expressionless.

“Peebee, of course, yes. But are you okay are you upset? I just wanted-” Sara started to say, reaching out with her hands. The asari stepped back before Sara could touch her. 

“ _ No _ . I can’t marry you I can’t.” The asari said her eyes snapping open. Sara felt the pain, the disappointment flash across her face, and she saw the spark in Peebee’s eyes crumple as she watched that. “I...I just need a minute okay? I just need to think. It’s not a no, okay it’s just a ‘processing’.” The asari let out a low sigh. 

“Okay. I’ll tell Kallo to take us to Eos.” Sara said slowly, not trying to touch Peebee again. 

“I love you, okay? I love you.” Peebee said slowly as she leaned down to pick up the stuff she had dropped.

 

*********************************************************

        They landed on Eos a few hours later. Peebee has asked for space so Sara gave her space. They she didn’t see her again before they landed, and she didn’t see her for the rest of the day, or the next day, or the day after that. She took to pacing up and down up and down. The morning of the first day the Nexus called, they needed help with some dispute or the other. They didn’t go. Sara said they weren’t leaving without Peebee. She worried that something had happened, but the ship was still tracking her vitals. Something Peebee very well knew, so she knew she was fine. 

She knew that the crew was talking, wondering what had happened. But they didn’t ask and Sara didn’t tell them. This...was a sensitive topic. They knew it. She was almost certain that Lexi had told them to stay out of it. So they waited.

On the morning on the third day she heard from Vetra that Cora had disembarked. Sara had frozen over her omnitool looking at it and then back at Vetra.

“Did she tell you why?” Sara asked slowly. Vetra gave her that crooked grimace. 

“Off to solve those problems you’re too afraid to go solve yourself.” Vetra said slowly, scrolling her own tool. Likely trying to get more of those rare products the others on the ship loved so much.

“Problems? That I can’t solve? Someone better let the galaxy know.” Sara said already standing. She walked over to one of the many windows lining her rooms, looking out onto Eos’s sandy hills.  

“You like to pretend you trust her, but part of you doesn’t, not really.” Vetra said, still not looking at Sara. But not in the way like she didn’t want to look at Sara, more in the way of that she knew she was right and wasn’t going to apologize for it. 

“That’s...not fair. It’s not like she’s given me a lot of reason to have faith in her.” Sara said slowly still looking out over the plains. This was a major topic of conversation in her discussions with Lexi. If anyone else had said was Vetra was saying Sara would have suspected Lexi of talking, but it was Vetra. Vetra saw right through everyone.

_ “Everyone in your life has always let you down, your father, your mother, your brother, and she’s made mistakes so you think she’s the same way. But she’s not like them Sara, she’s not. If anything she tries her best to not let you down - yet you continue to put her in situations where she’s doomed to fail.”  _  Lexi’s words rang in Sara’s ears. ‘Situations where she was doomed to fail’. Sara still wasn’t sure how she felt about that. Part of her didn’t want to admit that Lexi was right. 

Sara looked over at Vetra biting her lip slightly. “That wasn’t fair of me either...I know I’ve put in situations that aren’t…comfortable. But this isn’t that. It was an accident. I wanted me asking her that to be different.”

Sara had  _ pushed _ Peebee to be in this relationship in the beginning, she had  _ pushed  _ her to cut ties with Kalinda, she  _ pushed  _ her to move into her cabin, and now she was pushing her on the marriage thing. 

Lexi told her she pushed too much. That she needed to lower her expectations - that Peebee was damaged and she knew that. Which was why she had understood when Peebee had pushed her away in each of those situations. Lexi told her that wasn’t fair - so she had done better. She had talked instead of pushing. Her way wasn’t the only way. And slowly Peebee had let down her walls, not completely, but more. 

“Then tell her that. Tell her you know you’re not there yet and  _ apologize. _ ” Vetra said leaning against the side of the wall. Sara nodded slowly. Crossing her arms across her chest. At that moment Cora appear back in the doorway. 

“Peebee wants to see you.” She said quickly, briskly. Vetra nodded almost to herself, before turning and walking away.

“What did you say?” Sara asked, stepping up to the blonde teeth still biting into her lip. 

“I didn’t have to say anything, she’d already decided.” Cora said, her eyes betraying nothing. 

     “I think I might have really messed this up - again. Everyone thinks Peebee is the mess, and in reality  _ I’m  _ the mess.” Sara said running her hands back over her hair. “God, I need  _ Scott _ .”

      “I could go a while without seeing him again.” Cora said slowly. “I know he told you - I asked him not too. But I lost it. That baby, he doesn’t know.” 

      Neither of them said anything for a long time. Sara - not knowing quite what to say. Cora - used to stewing in her own pain by now.

“I’m sorry he told me - I understand why now why you wanted to wait.” Sara said after a few minutes. Cora’s mouth curved in a wry smile.

“It happens. I’ll survive. We’ll try again - I’m determined that despite the mess this galaxy is I’ll still get my happy ending.” Sara didn’t know anyone you could face problems with the same clear-headed forwardness that Cora did. “You know what Scott would tell you?”

     Sara looked down wringing her hands. “He thought this entire thing was a bad idea - or more that I needed to trust my own judgement. But I have no judgement - not when it comes to her. I never have - I just - it’s so-” Sara started to say putting her hands in her hair and aggressively running fingers through it over and over. 

“Stop.” Cora said, cutting her off and grabbing her hands. “You’re spiraling. You’re catastrophizing.” Sara gave her a ragged grin, her words stopping.

“You know all the fancy words.” Sara said.

“I have to - your brother does the same thing. Go to her. She loves you, she’s not going to leave you out to dry. She knows you better than you think.” Cora said, slowly letting go of the pathfinder’s hands. Sara nodded taking a deep breathe in and then back out. 

It would be okay. It would be okay. She repeated that over and over again in her head and went to find Peebee. She didn’t know what would happen but she had faith they still needed each other. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed. Please comment with any ideas you have for future works.


End file.
